True Life: RA

I am daily reminded of how ill-equipped I am for this position.

You end up doubting yourself frequently as an RA, especially one where your residents are daily seeking you out. I wanted apartments, have I ever told you that? I really wanted to be an RA in the apartments, where I could be a grown-up, have my own bathroom, oven, stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer, life… Pretty much had it all planned out where RA could fit smoothly into my difficult classes this year, because my residents would be in their twenties, and able to handle most issues on their own.

But hey, here I am, not doing well in my classes, questioning the decisions I make, and having girls refuse to speak to me out of frustration. I’ve begun to realize that there are tough calls that have to be made, that are going to leave one party upset either way that I go. Praise the Lord I have a roommate that lets me vent and process what is going on, and a staff that is encouraging while still going through the same stuff as I am.

Holding through til Thanksgiving. Come fast.

Conversing

I have always been a pretty good talker. My parents said I have been arguing since I could talk, and always told me as a child that I should be a lawyer. Well, I’m not going to be a lawyer, but I am still pretty much nothing short of a motormouth. I have been having some really great conversations recently, and I have been really thankful that God has given me the ability to convey myself verbally to those around me. From conversations I have wanted to have, to some that I put off for weeks, some discussing the past, and some discussing God’s goodness and grace. A DTR here and there (I mean, it’s senior year, people are really looking!) and too many conversations where I have had to deliver less than pleasing news to happy-go-lucky students.

What a powerful tool He has given us, the ability to speak to each other in honest conversation. My role as an RA this year is so relational, and involves so many conversations, that He has really shown me how constructive and how destructive my tongue can be. I was blessed to be able to travel home for the weekend three weeks ago, and have great conversations with a few very important characters in my life. As He did that weekend, God has chosen to speak into my life through the people He has placed in it. That truth makes me so hopeful that perhaps He can speak through me this year.

I have 46 new relationships with freshmen girls, relationships that are so hard to define because you have to be mother-like and sister-like at the same time. But I also have so many new friendships around campus that go deeper than any friendships I had last year. God has shown such grace in surrounding me with men and women that primarily want to glorify Him, at a time when I was so unsure if I was on this campus for the right reasons.

I pray that He speaks through me in those relationships; in those early morning conversations on rigorous walks, in chats over dinner, in talking while splayed out under the Christmas lights adorning my room. I pray that He is in every whisper shared during chapel, every late night talk on the lawn, and every difficult pause between words that I know will wound someone I care about. That’s all we can ask, right? That He shape our tongues and be in each word. Join me in praying that He just do that in our conversations.